Why Kids Are Afraid to Ask for Help | Scientific American | 3/5/22

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-kids-are-afraid-to-ask-for-help/

Summary: Adults are often embarrassed about asking for help. It’s an act that can make people feel vulnerable. The moment you ask for directions, after all, you reveal that you may be lost. Seeking someone’s assistance can make you feel like you are broadcasting your incompetence. New research suggests young children don’t seek help in school, even when they need it, for the same reason. Until relatively recently, psychologists assumed that children did not start to care about their reputation and peer’s perceptions until around age nine. But a wave of findings in the past few years has pushed back against that assumption. This research has revealed that children as young as age five care deeply about the way others think about them. In fact, kids sometimes go so far as to cheat at simple games in order to look smart. Research suggests that, as early as age seven, children begin to connect asking for help with looking incompetent in front of others. Their concern about reputation may have significant consequences, particularly when it comes to education. At some point, every child struggles in the classroom.

3 Fun Facts:

1. But by age seven or eight, children thought that the kid who wanted to seem smart would be less likely to ask for assistance. And children’s expectations were truly “reputational” in nature—they were specifically thinking about how the characters would act in front of peers.

2. Research suggests that we may underestimate just how uncomfortable others feel when they ask for assistance.

3. Different activities can help children feel more comfortable asking for help